WELL, WE MADE IT.
41 weeks and 2 days later and it is the eve of our induction. What a strange place to be in…some call it the “in between”. Stranger Things calls it “the upside down”. Basically it is the nearly palpable transition between pregnancy and parenting. A time filled with anticipation. Every twinge your mind races, is this the time? Is it happening now? Your body aches, your mind wanders, it’s hard to focus on anything else. Each night you fall asleep wondering if tonight will be the night only to wake up (10 times to be exact) to realize it’s just a bathroom break you need. You try falling back asleep but the baby kicks and you wonder how many more kicks you’ll feel inside your womb before your baby is in your arms.
LIFE MOVES FAST AND SLOW AT THE SAME TIME.
Without wishing away your last days of independence you also cannot wait for the moment you meet your baby. You urge time on and yet relish it at the same time. Today was a pretty special day. Not many women know the exact day they will give birth and therefore know in advance the last day before they will become mothers….it’s a unique situation. I thought I might take advantage of the time I had today to reflect on the last 9+ months and get a few thoughts down on ‘paper’ before the next chapter of my life starts.
NINE MONTHS AGO WE WEREN’T SURE WE WERE 100% READY TO START A FAMILY.
We were quickly reassured by family and friends that such a time would never come. We had worked hard to establish ourselves, our home, our careers, and most importantly our relationship. It was no longer clear what we were ‘waiting for’ to start a family. It was something we have both wanted for a long time. So we took a leap of faith. It might have been said many times already and in far more glamorous ways, but all I will say is that the moment you pee on a stick and see the little “+” sign, it’s probably the best bathroom break you’ll ever take. What I will tell you is that within moments your first set of doubts will creep in. Almost instantly you will question the result. You will fill with worry, angst, and concern…..you want it so badly to be real! What if it’s a false positive? What if you are getting your hopes up only to be destroyed by a miscarriage early on? Your mind swims. These are the first of many anxieties you will experience throughout your pregnancy. I’m not even a parent yet and I can tell you I worry more than I did before.
IT’S NOT ALL WORRIES THOUGH, IT’S EXCITEMENT, DISBELIEF, SHOCK, ANTICIPATION AND CURIOSITY TOO!
There is no telling what you pregnancy will be like. The best thing you can do is be open and accepting of what is to come and do your best to live in the present. I say that as though I had it mastered, which to this day I do not. Living in the present is a constant challenge, one I am working on every day. I am trying not to have any expectations of my labour, my birth, or my baby. I am going to take it one day at a time. I am going to work hard to shed myself of plans, of goals, and demands on my recovering mind and body. I want to embrace this next chapter of my life as I continue to grow and learn with my baby. I am not focusing on getting “back” to anything - not my work, not my body, not anything. I am focusing on going forwards. To a new level of potential I have yet to explore about myself. The future me is someone different, someone I need to grow into. I am excited to meet her.
I’d like to acknowledge all of the support I have had throughout this pregnancy.
Probably the craziest part is that the support has only just begun. Pregnancy hasn’t been easy, but thankfully it hasn’t been difficult either. I have had the love and encouragement of family, friends, and a devoted husband. I have also had this wonderful online community to share with and learn from. For every one of you who has reached out to send me a message and wish us well, I am so grateful we have been in your thoughts - thank you. It takes a village they say. Well, I am building my village and I couldn’t be more excited about it.
To my friends with babies who have been sharing a wealth of advice, thank you! Because of you I have gathered the tools and resources we need to bring baby into this world. To my friends without babies, thank you for your encouragement and support, I promise I’ll be a resource to YOU one day when you take the leap. To my family, this is just the beginning of your support and we are already overwhelmed with love. We are feeling confident and ready for baby to come because you have raised us to feel capable and strong. To the people I have met through social media who have followed me during pregnancy, I am grateful for the connection we have made and it has been a lot of fun sharing in the ups and downs with you! I hope you get some value out of the experience I share.
AS WE LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW….THE PLAN IS SIMPLE: NO EXPECTATIONS.
The execution may prove to be harder. Between my amazing husband, our incredible doula support, my GentleBirth app and a great care team at the hospital we are sure to have an incredible day. No promises we will get a wink of sleep tonight. It’s like Christmas eve, only it’ll be my husband and baby’s birthday tomorrow….I really can’t get over that. I am writing this article sitting by our Christmas tree looking out our window watching the snow come gently down. I am somewhere between jumping for joy and balling my eyes out with all the emotions (and hormones) I am experiencing. Time to listen to some mindful acceptance tracks on the GB app, relax and let the countdown begin.
Thank you all so much for sharing in our pregnancy journey! Every encouraging comment and message has meant the world to me.
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